I don't love Jesus no more!

Monday night Dash and I had a rough night. When he gets tired, he gets angry very quickly. It escaltes to loud, physical and ends with tears and hugs. Monday was that. I am not sure what exactly started it, but I did noticet his attitude change after I presented the "new" rewards chart. We have the ticket system that works great, when I remember to follow through with it! So to help me, since Sammie found a $60 dog from Build-a-Bear that she wants, I thought I would do a sticker chart during the week that they can put their own stickers on and then on Sundays, we will count the stickers and then distribute the amount of tickets based on the amount of the stickers. Dash didn't like it, he just wanted to do/use the tickets. He got over it, but then it started up again at dinner. I made Lemon Chicken, peas, and stuffing. He likes stuffing and peas and I knew I could make him eat a bite or two of the chicken~despite the fight. Well, anytime I make something new or non favorite, as soon as he sees it, he melts down and throws a fit. Such was the same on Monday. We sat down to dinner and I said he needed to eat his chicken(4 bites), 1 bite of peas, and his stuffing. He was negoiating with me what he was going to eat. This-n-that, dinner came and went. After dinner I loaded the dishwasher while the kids played and then it was clean up time. I told the kids very clearly that when the timer beeps it was bedtime~this is a bit differant than usual~but I did say that if we finished cleaning up before the timer beeps we could play puzzles. Sammie rocked out the cleaning up, Dash did his clean up dance that he usually does. The timer beeped before we finished and Dash was ready to play puzzles! To his disappointment, I said no. I told him that the timer meant it was bedtime, he started to get angry and mad. He began to tell me he didn't love me or God or Sammie or anyone nomore. I asked him to go to his room to cool off. He was at 2 at the count off and then he wouldn't listen to me to go to his room. That put him at 3. I sent him to his room he didn't like it. As he walked past me he pushed me and kicked me in the butt (I was sitting changing Dash's diaper) I marched after him to his room and scolded him, which brought him straight to tears. I left him in his room to finish with the girls. Shortly after he came out apologizing and feeling bad. Only to find he broke a hanger. I accepted his apology and sent him back to his room. When I went in to talk to him I found his half of the closet striped of clothing. He told me he needed new clothes and that he didn't like those ones cuz he is gonna turn 5. We got through that and then we discussed the issue at hand~I said he could play puzzles and now he can't. After I explained what I had said to him earlier, he understood. Was not happy, but understood. I asked him to put his jammies on, again. He tried to fight me and I went to help him to get this show on the road. He then told me he only liked me a little bit, but not daddy or Jesus and didn't want sammie or ali talking(good luck buddy!!) We went to the room and we proceeded to do bedtime. When I got up to him to read we were able to talk on a better more calm level and were able to use it as a teaching moment. I read him his books and he didn't want me to sing to him, but he "needed" me. Interesting since he only loved me a little bit! So I snuggled him. He then "needed" me 2 more times during the night. Tuesday he loved me a lot again! Tuesday night I did the same thing, when the timer was set, I have never seen Dash clean up any faster! In 30 minutes we cleaned the house, started the dishwasher, I vaccumed, and we had 10 minutes of Flashlight hide-n-seek time! Thankfully, all be to Jesus, was I able to stay calm on Monday!

Sweetie

Sammie has really developed leaps and bounds with in the last month or so. I think that A LOT of this has to do with discipline changes that Ryan and I have made, less yelling, more positive reinforcement and attitude changes. Do we still get frusterated with Sammie? Yes. Do we still lose our patience? Yes. Do we still yell at her? Yes, but only ocassionaly. However, when these occurances happen, it is a "shock" to her with our yelling and a possable spanking because those are very few these days. It clicks with her that her actions have a consequence.

Sammie has been making an effort to be kind and nice and to treat others nicely, not always meanly like she had been. She will hear Ali crying and say, "its ok sweetie"~that's her line. Then the other night at bed time, I laid down next to her after Ryan read and sang to her. She started kissing my forhead and rubbing my arm like I usually do to her. It was nice to see that she has accepted the positive and is passing it on. Six months ago, maybe even four months ago, it was very difficult to show Sammie love. But with persistance, we have made some progress.

Cry it Out

I am not a fan of the cry it out method when kids are babies. As a matter of fact, I really didnt like it or use it at all until I had Ali. I think it is more out of knowledge/experiance that I use it. I dont like to use it often and maybe that leads to longer streches of her crying, who knows. But tonight was a night I kinda didnt really care. Ryan was not able to be home for bedtime, a co-workers newlywed husband is in the hospital for overdose. I know that is where Ryan needs to be and I am fully supportive of that. Ryan and I usually tag team bedtime. He reads, prays, and sings to Sammie and then to Dash in their own beds, while I feed and rock Ali. If Ali goes down quickly then I get to lay next to Sammie when Ryan is up with Dash. So when I am by myself, I have Sammie and Dash sitting in their bed with their books and the closet light on so they can "read" them, while I feed and rock Ali. Things were going so-so. I had to count for Sammie because she just couldnt sit. I got to 3 and that meant no story time, but I would sing to her and pray. Then she kept talking so I had to get up and flick her in the face, which meant I had just distrubed Ali so now she wasn't going to go to sleep. I placed her in her bed with two nuks and the proceeded, figuring she is so exhausted she'll fall asleep quickly. UH....NO! So I finished up with Sammie then went to Dash. We continued on with our routine and Sammie was still not sitting and was being naughty. I finished with Dash just as Ali was winding down. I was going to let it be, but then she piped up as I got to the door. So I pulled her from her crib and rocked her all the while Dash and Sammie are being naughty before my eyes. I got Ali back to sleep placed her in her bed and left. Within 10 min I had to go in and scold Dash and Sammie by taking their "glo" things away(dash's fishtank and sammie's gloworm). I have learned that spankings at bedtime just lead to "abuse" it seems~mostly they dont work, cuz they dont care. So instead I just went to taking things away. At one point I went in to find that Ali was sleeping, her fishtank was on, the big bedroom light was on and Dash and Sammie were giggling. Dash told me that it was cuz he wanted to see Sammie.....uh, no, it's bedtime! So I proceeded to take more things away. Well this led Dash to a frenzie cuz "I took his stuff". So he came to the door to tell me that I took his stuff when again I see Ali's fishtank on. I asked how it got on, knowing that Sammie did it, to hear Dash say that Sammie did it. So for that she got a spanking because she is to stay out of Ali's bed. This then brought on a new cry to the room and that woke up Ali. I know have all three crying in their rooms and am really ready to lose it. Knowing that how I react will show the kids what is the best way to react and so I choose to stay calm and not get emotional. I pulled Ali from the room, set up the pack n play in the living room and then headed to the shower to drownd out all the crying. I felt bad that Ali had to cry it out because it wasnt even her fault that she was awake, but I knew that if she didnt lay there just right, I was going to loose it. So to keep everyone safe, crying it out was today's best choice. I dont know how long Dash and Sammie kept it up but Ali was 20 min max! I could tell cuz her pnp was just outside the bathroom door!

1st vs 3rd

I think that it is amazing how much your parenting style differs between child number 1 and child number 2 and then again between child number 3. It may be because mine are so close in age, Dash and Sammie 14 months apart, Sammie and Ali 22 months apart, thus 3 children in 4 years! I would love to say that I have treated all 3 the same, but reality is that I have not.

Example: with Dash I could not and would not let him "cry it out". As a matter of fact it would make my blood boil and it began several arguments between Ryan and I. With Ali, I dont necessarily let her "cry it out" but I did instill the 10 minute method a heck of a lot sooner with her than I did Dash. I do this mearly out of I have no other choice. As I am lying Ali down for a nap I have a 2 and 3 year old out in the livingroom doing who knows what. So I follow the same routine each time, I cant just go put her in her crib and make her put herself to sleep, but I do lie her down drowsy sometimes and then if she starts crying, I dont jump on the dime to respond. I believe that because of this she is my BEST napper and self soother. So much so that the mornings that she wakes up at 5 cooing and babbling, I can simply ignore her and know that she will put herself back to sleep!

I also believe that I struggle with Sammie the most because of the age gap. She is not a girl that likes toys, she is personable girl. She likes people and to be with people and to be mean to people and to be evil to people. She is not one that I can just sit down and play with, but one that I need to sit down and read books to...ALL DAY if we had the time. Which leads me to either ignore her or ignore Dash and Ali. She is a girl that I cannot keep up with. I do not remember things being this way and I wonder if they would be this bad if Ali were not around(see previous post).

I know that I am in the most difficult and trying times with 3 kids under the age of 4 and I ask God for his strength several times a day and really that is the only way I can make it through :)

Would I do it differanty?

I have wondered this questions several times for no specific reason. It has crossed my mind if I would parent my children differantly if I only had 1 now, or if there were a larger gap between the 3 or (fill in the blank). Dont take me wrong, I do enjoy having all 3 children and I know without a shadow of a doubt that God gave them to me in His plan, but I cant help but wonder, "what would life like this be like?"